TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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