My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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