i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
