Too much gin, very little bucket
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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