Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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