No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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