Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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