My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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