Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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