Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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