Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
