does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
