Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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