Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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