btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
