You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
