Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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