You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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