woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
