It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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