I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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