Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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