I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
