don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
