yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
