I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
