When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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