Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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