I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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