I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
