i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
