they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
