Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
