What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I party with great urgency now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
