I'm so fucking centered right now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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