I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize