At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
