Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize