she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
