Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
