I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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