After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
