Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
