Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
