You smell like a Billy Joel song
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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