I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
