so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
