Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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