Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
