woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
