Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
