I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was like eating out sand paper
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
being pregnant is like rehab
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
