i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
