Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize