I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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