weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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