ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
