i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
