It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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