direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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