i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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