debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
