I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
