I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
